Thandiwe Ngwenya is a lesbian living her professional life as a man.
BULAWAYO, ZIMBABWE -- Thandiwe Ngwenya, 33, has been raped by a teacher and a family member. She has been fired from her job. Ex-communicated from her church. She has suffered physical, psychological and verbal abused for most of her life.
Ngwenya is a lesbian.
She has a lanky frame, a flat chest and short hair, and now lives her professional life as a man. Only her feminine voice threatens to betray Ngwenya’s true identity.
Hailing from the sprawling Nkulumane, a high-density suburb of Bulawayo, Zimbabwe’s second largest city, Ngwenya dresses and walks like any other young man.
Ngwenya says she realized from an early age that she was different from the other girls. She enjoyed the company of boys, loved to play sports and preferred boy’s clothing. Rumors began circulating through her neighborhood when she was in the fifth grade that she was “different,” an accusation that caused much distress in her family.
Then, a violent sexual attack by her fifth grade teacher at the Mawaba Primary School in Lobengula West, Bulawayo, marked what Ngwenya calls “the harbinger of all of the evil things,” that happened to her while she was a young woman.
Sexual Violence and Social Attacks
“When I was in grade five, my class teacher asked me to help him to carry textbooks to a storeroom,” Ngwenya says. “He raped me and threatened me with evil consequences if I reported the case.”
By age 12, Ngwenya says she had been raped by the teacher four additional times. Authorities from the school would not comment on the case because it was never officially reported. They added that they were not in a position to investigate the matter since the accused teacher has retired.
According to a 2009 U.S. State Department report on human rights in Zimbabwe, most rape cases go unreported due to traditional sensitivities and the cultural shame associated with rape.
“When I got to secondary school, the whispering behind my back had changed to open verbal assaults,” Ngwenya says, adding that many people claimed she was possessed by a demon, a common accusation made against homosexuals in Zimbabwe.
“It hurt so much, but there was no one to confide [in],” Ngwenya says. “I could not tell anyone, female or male, that I had feelings for other girls.”
Two years into secondary school, Ngwenya succumbed to the pressure and dropped out of school. She began to steal her father’s clothing in order to feel comfortable. When her parents realized that they could not force her to behave in a manner that society deemed to be correct, Ngwenya was sent to live with her married sister. Her parents hoped that Ngwenya would emulate her sister’s lifestyle and learn that it was “good to be married to a man,” she says.
But it didn’t turn out that way. “Staying with my sister added a new chapter of misery in my life,” Ngwenya says. She was raped by her brother-in-law numerous times as he tried to force her to take to adopt a “straight” lifestyle.
“I tried to tell my sister and mother, but they would not listen to me. Instead, my mother accused me of wanting to destroy my sister’s marriage,” Ngwenya says. “My family ordered me out [of the house] and told me to look for my own accommodation somewhere else.”
Life on the Street Yields Hardship, Opportunity
Frightened, uneducated and disowned, Ngwenya, who was only 15, began living on the streets. She says she turned to drugs and alcohol for solace, but soon met a Zambian woman in the second-hand clothing business who offered her a job.
During a business trip to Mozambique, Ngwenya met her first girlfriend, Patricia Magarizane, 31, who was short and had a light complexion. Magarizane and Ngwenya made an instant connection after meeting at one of the only two bars in Mutara, a border town between Zimbabwe and Mozambique.
“For the first time in my life, I felt loved and that I was not alone in the world. I had everything that I wanted in life, but most importantly a shoulder to cry on. For the first time, my life was complete,” says Ngwenya of her relationship with Magarizane.
But their bliss did not last. Three years into their relationship, Ngwenya’s world came tumbling down when she tested HIV positive.
“My colleagues and I were casually talking about HIV testing. We decided to go for the test. My heart stopped beating when the counselor told me that I was HIV positive. It sounded as if she was telling me that I had received the death penalty,” says Ngwenya.
Ngwenya is not sure how she was infected, but she suspects that she contracted the virus when she was raped by either her teacher or brother-in-law.
Ngwenya disclosed her HIV status to Magaridzane, who decided to terminate their relationship. Ngwenya’s efforts to reconcile with Magarizane have failed.
The combination of the end of this relationship and finding out that she was HIV positive was too much for Ngwenya. Overwhelmed, she decided to end her life.
“When the HIV testing and counseling official revealed the news, I felt like a ton of rock[s] had fallen on me. There was only one way out of my problems. Death,” she says.
Ngwenya says she was determined to kill herself. After several sleepless nights, she chose rat poison as her method.
"I bought the poison, got into my room and drank the lethal venom,” says Ngwenya, who drank a bottle of rat poison. A neighbor found her unconscious and rushed her to the hospital where her stomach was pumped.
Gay Rights Will Not Be Addressed in New Constitution
Ngwenya’s turbulent story is similar to those of many homosexuals in Zimbabwe and other African countries. In Zimbabwe, homosexuals have no rights and President Robert Mugabe has repeatedly said that the issue of gay rights will never be discussed during the current constitution making process.
Mugabe, who has publicly denounced homosexuality, has also suggested that many of Africa’s ills—disease and poverty among them—are the fault of homosexuals. In 2006, he signed an amendment to the Criminal Law (Codification and Reform) Act, broadening the definition of sodomy to include “any act involving physical contact between people of the same sex that would be regarded by a reasonable person to be an indecent act.” In Zimbabwe, sodomy, which now includes any sexual act between a same sex couple, carries a penalty of up to one year in prison.
Sian Maseko, 30, the director of the Sexual Rights Centre (SRC), says that the government is guilty of failing to protect the gay citizens in the country.
“The government has created a culture of impunity for discrimination against sexual minorities. This homophobia has been replicated in institutions and organizations throughout Zimbabwe,” says Maseko.
The SRC and the Gay and Lesbian Association of Zimbabwe are the only two organizations in Zimbabwe that are fighting for the rights of homosexuals to be recognized. These two organizations, Maseko says, are pitted against churches, traditional and political leaders and the general public.
Discrimination Continues, No Solutions in Sight
Pastor Febbie Chuma, 40, of the House of Prayer ministries, says that gay rights should never be discussed.
“Homosexuality is a manifestation of Satanism and the church has to take a strong stance to protect its people from that spirit,” says Chuma. “The Bible clearly says that God created a man and a woman so that they can make a family. [Homosexuality] is the work of the devil and if all Christians are not vigilant, this infirmity will cripple the church.”.
Another church official, Pastor Joseph Malethe, agrees with Chuma. “The Bible is very clear about homosexuality and there is no room for Christians to discuss whether it is acceptable or not,” Malethe says.
For people like Ngwenya, life as a lesbian in Zimbabwe continues to be challenging. Open relationships are not permitted and hate crimes are common. She also faces challenges securing employment because of her sexual orientation.
In an attempt to overcome this obstacle, Ngwenya has chosen to live as a man in the professional world. “[My] physical identity contradicts with my national identity documents which say that I am a woman," she says. "I am qualified, but my sexual orientation will create problems for the company and the clients they deal with,” she explains.
Ngwenya says she has also given up hope of establishing another relationship because of her HIV status. The only people whom she calls friends are members of an HIV support group and a few homosexuals who are out of the closet.
“We suffer in silence. There is nowhere to report offenses against us. The church, our culture and our leaders are all against homosexuality,” Ngwenya says. “Those who are not strong enough, spend their lives in forced marriages. As soon as we step out in the street we receive all sorts of obscenities from children and adults alike.”.
Ngwenya’s mother, Malili Ngwenya, 68, still has not accepted her daughter’s sexuality, but says that she would be willing to take her back into the home and off of the streets on the condition that Ngwenya dresses as a woman and contributes to the household.
