12 MILES FROM THE ETHIOPIAN BORDER, NORTHERN KENYA – Mzee Elema Wario, a 50-year-old Gabra man, navigates a rocky, dusty path on a scorching 113 degree day. He is carrying a goatskin bag—his most valued possession—and is following in the footsteps of his father who participated in the same tradition decades ago.
The bag is heavy. Inside is a package of sugar that weighs two kilograms. There are dried tealeaves, tobacco and coffee berries too. Wario is headed to the Dida-Gola village located in the town of Dukana. He is seeking a bride for his son.
Dukana, which is nearly 500 miles from Nairobi, Kenya’s capital city and borders Ethiopia, is home to the Gabra people, camel-herding nomads, who live in the Chalbi desert of northern Kenya and the highlands of southern Ethiopia.
For the Gabra, marriage is highly valued in traditional African communities; it is the foundation of family and tribal communities. In rural Kenya, the dream of influence and prestige within their tribe means securing a prominent place in the elaborate network of kinship relations. Marriage and procreation are vital steps in acquiring this status.
For Wario, and other Gabra fathers, the first step in the arranged marriage proceedings is the delicate negotiations of a bride price. Once a price has been determined, the bride and groom begin their preparations, which include female circumcision and relocation for the groom’s family. But even as traditional wedding negotiations continue, more and more young people, aided by human rights advocates in Nairobi, are rebelling against arranged marriages.
Seeking a Bride
In the Gabra tribe, the marriage tradition is unique. The elaborate betrothal negotiations are for men only.
Today, Wario is travelling alone. He sent a messenger two days ahead to deliver news of his arrival to the people of Dida-Gola. This will be Wario’s final visit to the village. Today he will finalize the marriage arrangement after many years of haggling.
“I have been visiting Mzee Galgallo’s family for the past 15 years,” Wario says as he walks. “My son has not yet met his bride and she has not been informed that she is soon to be married. But this time, she will be told,” he says, with a smile of relief on his face. “I am glad that my son will soon behold his young and tender bride. My long journeys on his behalf are almost over now.”
According to Gabra traditions, Wario’s son, who is now 20 years old, will marry on the third or fifth day after the next full moon appears—about a month after today’s meeting.
When Wario arrives in Dida-Gola, he is welcomed by Galgallo, the bride’s father, with the traditional greetings that must be exchanged before he can rest.
“Did you receive my report that I was to come?” Wario asks Galgallo in order to make sure that he is welcome and that Galgallo is prepared to receive him.
“Yes, we did,” Galgallo says.
The men continue to discuss the state of their homes, people and camels. Water and cold camel’s milk are served, as the women of the village prepare tea and coffee using the gifts that Wario brought. Men from neighboring huts begin to gather.
“They are about to focus on negotiations for my daughter,” says Nina Galgallo, 30. “My girl does not know that this man will soon be her father-in-law. I sent her out to tend my small herd of goats in a nearby field,” she adds, explaining her daughter’s absence.
“The girl’s family is supposed to play ‘hard to get.’ Bride-price negotiations are never an easy process for the suitors,” the girl’s mother says in a hushed tone. In fact, the negotiations are more complex than just arranging a wedding and a price. There is culture and tradition to consider and many proverbs to follow.
In marriage negotiations, the Gabra consider one proverb in particular — “A poor man shames us all.” They believe that the group is responsible for their collective survival. The tribe does not permit any person to go hungry or live without animals to tend. A person who refuses to help another is singled out and a stigma is attached to the family for generations. That stigma is carefully investigated during bride negotiations.
“Each family has to investigate whether either of their families has, in the past, caused friction to the other, due to refusal to engage in such an important bonding event,” says Nina Galgallo.
Eventually, the two men agree that they have no such histories and preparations for the next phase begins, as men from the village begin to sit down in between the two fathers.
Nina Galgallo reads her cue to begin serving drinks and tobacco. She serves coffee and tea, with plenty of sugar, in her special wooden cups.
“Has a baby been born this day?” one man, a latecomer, asks her.
“No. This man has come to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage,” she says.
Another guest comments that her tea is too sweet, a standard gesture.
“My tea is always very sweet,” she answers with pride and begins to pass out the tobacco.
Together, the group begins to pray. A fattened goat is slaughtered, the bloodshed a symbol of friendship and generosity. Two women make a bracelet out of the goat’s skin and give it to Wario.
“On returning home, Wario will show it off to his clansmen,” Nina Galgallo says quietly. “He will tell of how great his new family is,” she explains, adding that the suitor’s father is given special parts of the goat—the front and rear, as well as bone soup to drink.
When the feast has ends, Wario will spend the night in Dida-Gola and head home the next morning. Already preparations are underway for his next visit — the long-awaited wedding feast.
Marriage Preparations
After the price is agreed upon, the bride-to-be is informed of her pending nuptials and her personal preparations begin.
“In bride-price negotiations, a girl is never consulted. She is told of her destiny only after the betrothal,” says Mirgichan Yokle, 53, a Gabra elder.
Today, Galgallo’s daughter, 12, was told that she will be married, an announcement she was no doubt expecting. So now, it is her turn to prepare. Because she has reached puberty, she will have to undergo female circumcision, also known as female genital mutilation, before her wedding in order to be considered a woman. This rite of passage will involve partial removal of her clitoris. Galgallo did not allow his daughter to be interviewed for this article.
On the groom’s side, the preparations are also many.
Nura Mamo, a camp headman, 67, says after the new moon appears, a sign that the wedding is near, the groom and his entire family gather up all of their belongings and travel to the bride’s town. The family spends one day building the newlywed’s special nuptial hut and to settling themselves.
On the day of the wedding, also referred to as the day of collection, the family of the groom is expected to pay the outstanding amount of the previously negotiated bride price. Often, the bride’s family will increase the amount by a camel or two, on the day of the ceremony. Occasionally, Yokle says a girl is given “on credit” if an outstanding debt remains.
On the wedding night, the bride’s mother will prepare a large hut for all guests to celebrate the wedding feast in. After the celebration, the bride will leave with her new husband and family and the couple will consummate their marriage.
Youth Evading Arranged Relationships
Despite the emphasis on tradition in the Gabra community, the young people of the tribe are increasingly disregarding arranged marriages. Throughout Kenya, many advocate against the relationships, arguing arranged marriages are an institution of the past.
“Cases of elopement or ‘heeruma’ are common among ardent young couples today,” says Yokle of the youth in his village.
Yokle says many young Gabra couples that fall in love run away from their villages until their parents accept the relationship.
“Any woman should be given a chance to choose her life partner. Parties to a marriage should be set free to choose their future as well, without interference from their families,” says George Omwenga, 33, a lawyer and human rights defender in Nairobi. “Times are changing and any woman should be joined to a partner who meets her shape and accommodates her personality.”
Still, for Wario and Galgallo, their children have accepted the arranged marriage, a signal that the tradition continues to play a major role in the Gabra community.
