NAIROBI, KENYA – Nderitu Njoka grew up watching his grandfather resolve marital disputes in a small town in Kenya’s central highlands. He used to sit by his grandfather’s side and listen as the old man, a village elder, counseled couples who had brought their domestic disagreements to him.
Now a grown man, Njoka is on a course to end domestic violence against men. The number of Kenyan men who regularly suffer physical, emotional and economic abuse is rising, but they do not come forward because they do not want society to perceive them as weak, he says.
“It is a widely held assumption that women are always the victims of domestic violence,” he says. “But today, more and more women have become the perpetrators.”
The Bible and the cultures of many Kenyan communities define the roles men and women should play in the family, says Njoka, a middle-aged man with several wives. But women have rebelled and have taken up roles that are not traditionally theirs.
“Man is commanded to rule over a woman,” he says. “The woman is supposed to give birth and take care of children. But since most women do not want to take their rightful place, families are in conflict.”
When Njoka was growing up, he noticed that teachers in schools punished boys more than girls, he says. So he resolved that one day he would fight for boys and men.
Fulfilling his goal, he founded the men’s advocacy organization Maendeleo Ya Wanaume Kenya five years ago. Its name comes from a Kiswahili phrase that means “men’s development.” The organization has 7 million members, according to its literature.
The organization recently conducted a study, which it has not yet published, that states that the number of Kenyan men who suffer abuse by their spouses regularly has risen from 1.5 million in 2010 to 2.1 million in 2013. More than 41.6 million people live in Kenya, according to the World Bank.
“In a hundred domestic violence cases, about 54 cases involve violence by women against men,” the group’s report states.
Volunteers conducted the study between February 2012 and March 2013 through face-to-face interviews in Kenya’s 47 counties, Njoka says.
Elderly men are more prone to suffering physical, emotional and economic abuse, according to the report.
“Most of these men die of starvation and manageable ailments such as diabetes and high blood pressure,” it states.
The study defines emotional abuse as “refusing to recognize the man as the head of the family and making him to do menial jobs such as cooking, laundry, babysitting and other domestic chores meant for a woman.” It considers it economic abuse when “men’s rights on property and financial rights are deliberately infringed by women.”
Kamau, who declined to publish his full name to avoid stigma, says he is a victim of domestic violence.
“Problems for me started six months ago when I lost my job,” he says. “My wife stopped respecting me. She denies me food and insults me in front of the children.”
Njoka gives him motivation to fight for his place in his marriage, he says.
“I know I’m not alone,” Kamau says. “Nderitu is doing a good job exposing women who mistreat their husbands.”
Joyce Njoki Mbugua, a married mother of three children, says she supports Njoka’s efforts, as she has witnessed several men’s rights violations.
“He is doing a wonderful job, and I hope he succeeds,” she says. “My sons may refuse to get married if they continue witnessing domestic violence against men.”
Most men suffer in silence because they do not want to appear weak, she says.
“Some men even get their genitals chopped off by their wives, but they have refused to come out,” she says. “And whereas there are many organizations speaking for girls and women, boys and men have no one to turn to.”
But others doubt the legitimacy of Njoka’s advocacy.
“Very few men are abused by their wives, if any,” says Gilbert Ouko, a computer technician in Nairobi, Kenya’s capital. “Njoka is only looking for an avenue to make money.
Rather, men have refused to acknowledge women’s rights, Ouko says.
“The real cause of strife in families is the fact that men have refused to change with the times,” Ouko says. “They need to acknowledge that women and men are equal partners in marriage. None rules over the other.”
Njoka’s work has also created conflict with the police. Police arrested Njoka in June 2013 in Kikuyu, a town on the edge of Nairobi, when he attempted to rescue an ailing man he alleges had been detained in his home by his wife without treatment.
The wife called the police when he and a group of fellow activists tried to get into the home to reach the sick man, Njoka says.
“Instead of helping me rescue an ailing man, they arrested me,” says Njoka, alleging that police held him at the station for two hours before releasing him without charges.
Joshua Arende, the commanding officer of the Kikuyu police department, confirmed the arrest. When police arrived, the group had taken down the home’s gate to forcibly enter the property, he says. The department is still looking to pursue charges against Njoka.
"A warrant of arrest has been issue[d] against him,” Arende says. “He will be arrested anytime and charged with creating disturbance and malicious damage of property."
But Njoka plans to continue his activism.
“That did not daunt my resolve,” he says. “I will not stop fighting for the rights of men.”
Maendeleo Ya Wanaume Kenya is planning to present a raft of proposals to the government to correct what it considers a plague of gender imbalances. These include the abolishment of special seats for women in the National Assembly and more efforts to eliminate drugs such as khat and cocaine, which “weaken men and contribute to their impotence,” Njoka says.
Although the group’s work has not yet resulted in any policy changes, Njoka continues his fight for men’s rights undaunted.
“We’ll continue fighting even though the government is not on our side,” he says.
In the meantime, he encourages men to take extra precautions at home, such as serving themselves at the dining table in case their wives try to poison them.
